The previous articles in this series examined the potential benefits of online dating, offered advice on managing users’ expectations, and considered challenges and risks common to men using dating apps. In this final article, we turn our attention to steps that men can take to improve their online (and real world) dating experience.
There is plenty of advice available online about improving the number of matches you get on dating apps. Some of it is solid, research-backed advice, and some makes claims based on anecdotal experiences. This article discusses some of the evidence-based recommendations for dating online, as well as offline.
For better or worse, dating apps give visual priority to photos. Therefore, having good photos will likely improve your chances of success. For example, one study found that having a higher number of pictures on your profile improves the number of matches that you get (Roshchupkina et al., 2023). The study highlighted that it was also important that these photos feature the man and not his possessions (examples included expensive cars or watches). Women in the study also reacted negatively to nude upper body photos and photos taken in the gym.
The same study found that women were more likely to choose men whose face was visible. On the other hand, men whose faces were partially hidden by a mask or by sunglasses were rejected by women. The researchers explained that it was important for women to see faces to make judgement about their interest in the man.
Finally, women in the study responded more positively to men who were smiling in their photos. Smiling was associated with positive qualities such as kindness, attentiveness, and gentleness. Men who appeared serious or unfriendly were not appealing. However, the use of overly cute photo filters were also negatively assessed. Therefore, a friendly smile and avoidance of artificial filters are necessary.
A previous article in this series explained that excessive dating app use has been linked to a decrease in self-esteem and a feeling of overwhelm from choice overload. Therefore, one way to reduce or avoid the negative emotional effects of dating app use is to restrict the amount of time spent. This can be accomplished by monitoring and reducing the amount of time spent on these apps and, importantly, the number of profiles viewed in any given period of use.
One group of researchers even suggested a concrete number: look at no more than 31 profiles in any given period of time (Thomas et al., 2022). In the study, viewing more than 31 profiles was associated with increased fear of being single and lower self-esteem. However, instead of viewing this as some kind of magic number, use it as a yardstick to significantly reduce habitual swiping.
One challenge when dating in the real world is identifying other single people. While it is tempting to think that dating apps are a surefire way to find single partners, research says otherwise. Some people use dating apps for entertainment, to boost their ego, or out of plain curiosity, and have no intentions of meeting or dating anyone (Roshchupkina et al., 2023). This poses an additional obstacle for people who are seeking romantic relationships. They must wade through matches who are not seeking the same thing.
There is another way to meet other singles: through a real-life social network. Developing real-life friendships can help you to meet others through your friend group, or through recommendations from friends. Engaging in face-to-face interactions also serves as a protective
factor against isolation resulting from limiting your search for a romantic partner to the Internet (Coduto et al., 2020).
Additionally, overcoming the fear of social interaction will improve your chances of meeting someone while engaging in social activities. A previous article in this series mentioned the importance of overcoming avoidance when learning to manage anxiety. Typically, when an individual avoids expressing interest, they are really trying to avoid rejection no matter the setting (Strugo & Muise, 2019). Learning to tolerate rejection can therefore help your overall dating experience.
Finally, developing a social network can improve your social skills overall, which can have a positive impact on your dating life. Research shows that people with lower feelings of anxiety go on more dates, and have more second dates than those who avoid connecting with others (Strugo & Muise, 2019). Therefore, learning to be less anxious when interacting with people can have a positive impact on your online dating experience as well.
This series of articles examined the potential benefits of online dating and weighed them against the risks identified by research. These risks included discouragement, a negative effect on self-esteem, increased anxiety, and the temptation to cheat. Improving your dating profile, managing the time spent using apps, and expanding your social network were offered as recommendations for improving your overall dating experience. Above all, maintaining a balanced view of and approach to online dating will help you to thrive regardless of the outcome.
